Death of My (One Pair of) Sweatpants

If you were to bump into me on a random day, chances are I’d be wearing 4 inch stiletto heels, hot pink lipstick…and have really big hair.  Therefore, it is no surprise that I only own one pair of sweat pants.

…But these aren’t just any sweatpants.

They are black Victoria’s Secret sweatpants with “PINK” sprawled across my derierre and a dog on my left hip. Classy, I know.

But I digress. If you see me in sweatpants, there is something going on with me emotionally. And since I only have one pair, this one set of pants has seen me through a lot of difficult times. They were the ones I put on to visit my dad in the hospital. They were on the last time I saw my dad conscious, they were on the last time I saw my dad unconscious, and there they were when I found out he died. Therefore, it makes complete sense that I also wore them that entire summer after his death when I could barely get out of bed.

The only picture of me in this magical pair of sweatpants
The only picture of me in this magical pair of sweatpants

I associate so many memories with these sweatpants. And for me, they remind me of my dad. Whenever I’m sad, I put them on. But given the many, many washes endured over these past two years, they have finally succumbed to holes, ripping and fading…and yet, I can’t bring myself to throw them away.

This bothered me for weeks! The face that I couldn’t throw away a pair of ratty old sweatpants was absolutely ridiculous! …Until it hit me this morning as I slipped into them for the thousandth time…they are my mourning pants.

I won’t pretend to know what the healthiest way to grieve is, but I do know that you should do whatever it is that seems to help. And I think saying goodbye to this silly pair of sweatpants has me saying goodbye to my dad all over again.

And frankly, I don’t want to say goodbye to anything else that ties to him.

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